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Avoid the SPS Epidemic

Perhaps the next project for the Center for Disease Control (CDC) to undertake in its endeavors to save humanity is the rapidly spreading Stupid Person Syndrome (SPS.) This highly contagious disease seems to be striking record numbers of Americans as it gets carried across the breadth of our great nation. Without intervention by the health experts from Atlanta’s CDC, America seems doomed to suffer unmercifully from the damaging effects of SPS. As the CDC contemplates studying this obnoxious malady that is fast reaching epidemic proportions, its symptoms are visible everywhere.

"This insidious disease often affects, or infects, otherwise normal people; people who usually act in a more rational manner."

This insidious disease often affects, or infects, otherwise normal people; people who usually act in a more rational manner. These are not people who go around doing dumb things, but once afflicted by SPS no one can be certain of what they will do. SPS manifests itself in many ways, but we have all seen its various symptoms.

Sometimes we see the affects of SPS when someone drives as close as possible to the vehicle in front of them. Even professional truckers have been seen hurtling their big rigs down the highway with merely a car’s length between their eighteen-wheeler and the SUV ahead of them. SPS has led them to believe that collision avoidance lights (CAL) were added to cars and trucks so they no longer need to stay back far enough to see the vehicle’s taillights.

At other times, those afflicted with SPS can be observed weaving in and out of traffic, changing lanes at their will and often without warning. Sometimes they even try to share a lane with another vehicle as they move across two, three or four lanes leaving a sea of brake lights in their wake. After all, according to SPS standards, these extra lanes were built to be used, right?

We’ve even seen SPS symptoms exhibited by well-connected riders using their cellular phones while maneuvering their motorcycle through traffic. With their head cocked to one side clamping their phone to their ear with their shoulder or a Bluetooth® stuck on the side of their face, these SPS afflicted riders maintained their critical dialogue as they guided their iron horse down the road. While solving the world’s problems, or at least their personal issues, they mix it up with traffic with the majority of their attention focused on the crucial phone call.

And those who suffer from SPS seem to have little compassion for others who share the syndrome with them. They can often be seen screaming at the top of their lungs as they gesticulate for emphasis at others exhibiting SPS symptoms. Normally they are upset because some driver had just unconsciously committed a senseless act similar to one the offended driver had recently done to someone else. SPS is truly a disease that affects people without them realizing they have been infected.

The worst thing about SPS is that there are no known immunizations that will inoculate us against this dreaded malady. The good news is that we cannot be afflicted with SPS without our permission. We have a choice in the matter. We can decide not to succumb to this insidious SPS disease. We can choose to keep out wits about us and to remain conscious of what we are doing in traffic. We can decide not to do stupid things on the road that put ourselves or others at increased risk. The choice is ours and the body we may save is also ours.

Ride Smart! Ride Safe!